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Today’s Caregiver: You helped care for your mother during the years she spent living
with Alzheimer’s and dementia. Tell us a little bit about her.
Sean Hayes: She was awesome. My mom was one of the founders of the Northern
Illinois Food Bank, and she helped it grow into one of the most successful
food banks in the country. She also raised 5 kids by herself, which was
no easy task, but she was always so supportive of everything I did.
My mother was such a giving person, it was like everyone
else’s happiness was more important than her own. And for
better or worse, I inherited this same quality from her, so
I’m always trying to make sure that everyone else is taken
care of, in one way or another. But I don’t think anybody
will ever have a heart as big as my mom’s. When it came
to being selfless, she would drop everything to be there
for anyone.
Today’s Caregiver: What were some of the challenges
you faced when caring for her?
Sean Hayes: My mom’s Alzheimer’s was particularly
challenging, even for the doctors to deal with,
because she was a fairly stubborn person to
begin with but the Alzheimer’s made her even
angrier and more defiant. We tried bringing
in numerous outside caregivers, but my
mom was always very leery and suspicious
of any help, no matter how we disguised
it. So different family members would try
different approaches to problems like how
to trick her into taking her meds, or getting
her to eat, or making her believe that her
choices were hers and not being made for
her. Truthfully, it was exhausting. But when
you love someone and they need your help,
there’s nothing you won’t do for them.
Today’s Caregiver: How did you take care of
yourself during the caregiving process?
Sean Hayes: Well, it definitely helped that I wasn’t
going through it alone. My husband Scott has
always been the most supportive person in my life,
and I wouldn’t have gotten through the experience
of being my mom’s caregiver if it wasn’t for him. Also,
my sister was an amazing sounding board through all
of it.
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