enue to regain contact with me. He called, emailed, texted,
I was working on my masters degree. However, I refused to
respond. I took away his power and he was scrambling to
retrieve it. The phone call was the last time I allowed myself
to communicate with my abuser.
I have had people tell me that getting such a large tattoo
was foolish but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It gave me
the courage to leave and start my life over. I have a masters
degree, a kind and loving partner to share my life with, loved
no children. I have spent my career helping to improve the
mental health of kids and adults because that was what I
chose for my life, my decision and I never regretted it.
I live my life on my terms now and love my body the way
it was meant to be. As my own.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault,
battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a
systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate
partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual
violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The fre-
however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one
partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the
other.
Domestic violence is an epidemic affecting individuals in every
community regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation,
gender, race, religion, or nationality. It is often accompanied
by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior that is only a
fraction of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic
violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma,
and in severe cases, even death. The devastating physical, emo-
cross generations and last a lifetime.
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or
1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
It is not always easy to determine in the early stages of a relationship
if one person will become abusive. Domestic violence
perfect initially, but gradually become more aggressive and controlling
as the relationship continues.
What Does Abuse Include?
Abuse may begin with behaviors that may easily be dismissed
or downplayed such as name-calling, threats, possessiveness, or
to convince the person they are abusing that they do these things
out of love or care. However, violence and control always inten-
wanting the victim to spend all their time only with them because
they love them so much) escalates into extreme control and abuse
(e.g., threatening to kill or hurt the victim or others if they speak to
family, friends, etc.). Some examples of abusive tendencies include
but are not limited to:
• Telling the victim that they can never do anything right
• Showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time
spent away
• Accusing the victim of cheating
• Keeping or discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family
members
• Embarrassing or shaming the victim with put-downs
• Controlling every penny spent in the household
• Taking the victim’s money or refusing to give them money for
expenses
• Looking at or acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing
• Controlling who the victim sees, where they go, or what they do
• Dictating how the victim dresses, wears their hair, etc.
• Stalking the victim or monitoring their victim’s every move (in
person or also via the internet and/or other devices such as GPS
tracking or the victim’s phone)
• Preventing the victim from making their own decisions
• Telling the victim that they are a bad parent or threatening to
hurt, kill, or take away their children
• Threatening to hurt or kill the victim’s friends, loved ones, or
pets
• Intimidating the victim with guns, knives, or other weapons
• Pressuring the victim to have sex when they don’t want to or to
do things sexually they are not comfortable with
• Forcing sex with others
• Refusing to use protection when having sex or sabotaging birth
control
• Pressuring or forcing the victim to use drugs or alcohol
• Preventing the victim from working or attending school, harassing
the victim at either, keeping their victim up all night so they
perform badly at their job or in school
• Destroying the victim’s property
Is Domestic Violence Always Physical Abuse?
It is important to note that domestic violence does not always
manifest as physical abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse
can often be just as extreme as physical violence. Lack of physical
violence does not mean the abuser is any less dangerous to the victim,
nor does it mean the victim is any less trapped by the abuse.
Domestic violence does not always end when the victim escapes
the abuser, tries to terminate the relationship, and/or seeks
-
threaten, and try to control the victim after the victim escapes. In
fact, the victim is often in the most danger directly following the
escape of the relationship or when they seek help: 1/5 of homicide
victims with restraining orders are murdered within two days of
-
cause of assumptions that victims choose to stay in abusive relationships.
The truth is, bringing an end to abuse is not a matter
of the victim choosing to leave; it is a matter of the victim being
able to safely escape their abuser, the abuser choosing to stop the
abuse, or others (e.g., law enforcement, courts) holding the abuser
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or
1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.
FLORIDA WOMEN MAGAZINE 8 1831.36.8628.29.3963464 OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2018 • 17