Voices from the Shadows
Ladies listen up, I know you have heard this before; if your spouse or
boyfriend is beating on you, leave! I’m telling you to Run! Ladies you are
worth your weight in gold, you are beautiful. You do not need a man to validate
your existence, your value, your worth!
he beat me for going to check the mail, going outside to chat with the girl
neighbors next door, he beat me talking back to him, he beat me when he got
in lieu thereof, he choked me, kicked me, slapped me, and punched me into
the wall. He held a knife to my throat once, passed out and when he woke up
body else and leave him, he wanted me to stay at home, cook, clean, wash the
clothes, having sex when he wanted to and only go out with him. I thought,
dang, he really loved me. I thought to myself he didn’t want to lose me because
he knows I am a good woman! I really didn’t know how naïve I was.
The turning point for me came when I started having the worst stomach
structions. Some time that week we got into another argument and he kicked
me in the stomach, I found out much later that this caused the gallstones to
swell more and I had to call 9-1-1 and be transported via ambulance to the
hospital for immediate surgery. So, while I was in the hospital I ended the
relationship and since it was my apartment he had to move out. So when I
got home, much to my dismay I found the cord to the refrigerator cut, my
furniture slashed and holes in the wall.
In 2013, I met a man, fell madly in-love, in fact we were perfect for each
other, his name was “Lover.” He was sweet, romantic and charming in fact
cute. “Lover” had a job and a car, at least I upgraded since 2004. I had a good
job and car, what could be more perfect than that! I was headed for splitsville
with my relationship because I was bored and the guy was so predictable.
guy and got with the younger, fresh and exciting “Lover.” At last we were
together! Well, things started taking a turn after “Lover” moved in with me.
A month later he lost his job due to no fault of his own, things continued to
go down-spiral. We began to argue in public, he humiliated me in front of
his friends and even kicked me in the face with ball in front of them, they all
laughed of course. This guy had totally changed, found out he did the exact
same thing in previous relationships. “Lover” had gotten so bad he didn’t
care about himself or me, so he began staying out late with his friends till
3-4 o’clock in the morning, sometimes the very next day, coming in slamming
doors, breaking stuff, yelling, screaming, and accusing me of cheating,
drinking constantly and belittling me always, actually tried to pull me down
I told him to leave, he said no, I’m sorry. I will change, baby I love you. He
started crying, telling me he had nowhere to live, his family said he was not
allowed to stay with them; and he didn’t want to live with any of his friends
because he would miss me too much. I thought I can change him. So, out of
argumentative, angry with very low self-esteem, you would have thought
I’ve had enough by now, right…. Wrong! We stayed married for 1 year and
faith in my marriage!
Stick by my man right or wrong! I was liberated. We went to church
often, at that time I opted for marriage counseling multiple times with the
pastor. He always would say no we can work it out!
I’m not gonna lie, I started thinking about my 6 year relationship I had
broken off with the boring and predictable guy, for “Lover”. I started com-
I eventually had to call the cops on him, have him arrested for domestic violence
battery, and I had to leave the State, just so he couldn’t follow me. Night
after night, I felt totally abandoned in my marriage so I decided enough was
enough, he didn’t want to leave so I had to; I did it for my son! “Lover” had
turned into something evil, something out of a nightmare that had come to
life, in full form. I watched, prayed and protected my son; I kept him safe
throughout this whole ordeal.
I took a class on domestic violence, watched a video and heard similar
stories to mine. The saddest part is I really loved him and the hardest part
was actually letting go. Or should I say ran away! The worst cases are the
women statistics that are actually dead and that’s how their story ended, 95%
of them; some didn’t report it and the other half didn’t reach out for help.
Reach out for help, tell someone what’s going on, do not allow your
self-esteem to be dragged down by a man whose self-esteem is actually lower
than yours. Keep the faith and say to yourself: “I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me.” God knows all, hears all and sees all, step out
on faith, let go and let God.
As a young girl watching a
TV show or movie that portrayed
a domestic violence situation, I
vowed that would never be me.
I was shocked when I found myself
trapped in an abusive nightmare
I couldn’t wake from.
My ex-husband always had
anger problems, but I kept telling
myself it would never turn
violent towards me. Then the
slapping, pulling my hair, hitting
me with a belt or wet towel,
throwing things at me, calling
me horrible names and blaming
me for everything happened.
On our wedding anniversary he
even tried to suffocate me with a
pillow in our hotel room.
The part that makes this even worse (If it could get any worse.) is I’m in
a wheelchair, so I couldn’t run or hop in the car and drive away. I couldn’t
The person who was supposed to love and take care of me, made me into his
I made the decision that no matter what, I needed to get out; and I did.
wasn’t easy to break away, but I’m here to tell you; if I can do it, you can do it.
Remember that things will get better, no matter how clouded the future has
become in your mind. Most importantly never look back with regret. Your
Young, in love, and ready
to take on the world. That’s how
it began. Until the alcohol took
It was a gradual thing. Just
a few beers is how he started.
Heck, we were all having just
a few on the weekends. But the
few for him turned into daily
after work, then daily during
work. Then came the drugs and
the hard stuff.
I didn’t need the drinking. I
grew away from that as children
were born and responsibilities
grew. But he needed it. He needed
that vodka and orange juice
before coffee in the morning just
to function. It didn’t matter how much I begged for him to slow down. Reminded
him of the effects on his liver. And how “out of control” he would
be when he was drunk.
morning carried no more weight. He was a danger not only to himself and
myself, but my girls.
not by my own courage. But by calling 911 because he was going to shoot
himself. They didn’t send an ambulance, they sent the police, especially
when you mention guns.
It was a blessing in disguise. He was forced to go to rehab. And after a
few years of hard work, he cleaned himself up. BUT... there is always a but.
The damage was done. I couldn’t be in the same room with him without an
anxiety attack. The fear was still there.
The memories lingered for years. We were in love since elementary
school, and the bottle took that away. We could of had a good life.
My regret.... I didn’t seek help sooner. I didn’t not know what alcoholism
was until I was drowning in it. Maybe I could have saved both of us and
spared my children the trauma.
So my advice.... get help. Don’t be ashamed or afraid. Just take that step
and have faith.
FLORIDA WOMEN MAGAZINE 81831.36.8628.29.3963464 OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2018 • 15