Why Do They Stay?
Domestic violence, it’s just not a sexy topic but
ask any group of women you know about the
subject and you will be amazed at how clearly
they can articulate their experiences of control at
the hands of an intimate partner. The numbers
are staggering but what’s more staggering is the
reluctance many people still have to discuss the
topic. Even in 2021, when an organized movement
to bring awareness to the issue has been unfolding
in the United States since the 70s, people still say,
why does she stay? That, my friends, is a question
with a very complicated answer that needs more
than a 30-second sound bite to explain. Of course,
it’s much more telling that the first question never
asked is, why do some people have such control
issues, they resort to violence to get their way?
Victims and survivors of domestic violence stay
for a variety of reasons. Some are very obvious
while others remain elusive. Sometimes it’s even
mysterious to the individual who is trapped. The
more obvious reason is fear, and most likely this is
first and foremost. If you are constantly threatened
with bodily harm or death if you leave, any of us
would think twice. Another obvious reason is
related to finances. Where do you go and live
safely in today’s local housing market? Sometimes
family pressure or religious beliefs keep victims
trapped. If one believes God or their family would
disown them, how could they leave? Or maybe a
victim just doesn’t know where to turn for help.
Some of the more challenging reasons victims
stay trapped include the impact of trauma.
Living in a war zone whether it’s in your country,
neighborhood or in your home can be paralyzing.
As a coping mechanism, victims come to believe
they are to blame or the abuse was justified. The
fact there are no broken bones is sometimes cited
as a reason, “it’s not so bad.”
These distortions of reality perpetrated by an
intimate partner damage a person’s sense of
self-worth, their self-esteem. The victims become
beaten down and believe they are not worthy of
any change or a different kind of life.
Some people, oftentimes women, are raised to
believe it is their job to keep the family together,
to love their partner enough that a change will
miraculously happen. Sometimes, it is only when
abuse spills into their children’s lives can they step
back enough to evaluate what this home life is
doing to the youngest family members.
No matter the reason, when an individual in
Bradenton makes the decision to live a different
life, a safe and abuse-free existence, there is hope…
because in Manatee County, there is HOPE. HOPE
Family Services (HOPE) is Manatee County’s Statecertified
domestic violence center and a leader in
the provision of services for those searching for a
bright light in their darkest hour. Services range
from a 24-hour HelpLine, Chatline and TextLine
and Emergency Safe Shelter to attorneys who
stand ready to help someone secure an Injunction
for Protection (restraining order) to engage the
courts’ assistance. Professional counseling is
available for children and adults in both English
and Spanish. All of these services including safety
planning and support are available at no cost and
are always completely confidential.
In Florida, 95% of the people who are killed due to
intimate partner violence never reach out to an
organization like HOPE for help. So, if you know
someone who needs our help, ask them to call, ask
them to text, whatever makes them comfortable,
but please, encourage them to reach out. That call
may be the first step to save their life.
58 | BMAG
/www.hopefamilyservice.org