getting into a battle of wills with a child, parents should use Ignore It!. While there is a long list of behaviors parents should ignore there are some that should never be overlooked. Parents should always address any crying that comes from pain, fear or emotional distress. Parents should not ignore behavior that is dangerous or would hurt the child or someone else. Illegal acts such as stealing and vandalism should also be addressed. Lastly, the most important behavior not to ignore is appropriate behavior. Often parents forget to recognize good behavior. If appropriate desired behavior goes unreinforced it too can disappear. how can this technique be applied to dinnertime drama (i.e. where kids refuse to eat)? Mealtimes are rife with the battle of wills. Most parents care deeply about their children’s nutrition and their kids know it. They also learn that parents literally cannot make them eat. So this is one area children have a great deal of control. Eating issues are very nuanced and require a thoughtful approach to improve. However, Ignore It! is surely one of the most important tools parents have at the table. Children receive an incredible amount of attention when they fuss about a food. Parents beg, cajole, negotiate, and get angry. All of that attention just reinforces the child’s fussiness. Children also enjoy seeing what lengths parents will try to get their children to just take one bite. Meals become a game for kids. They ask for eggs but then don’t like the way they look. A child say he wants Cheerios but when they are served says, “no I wanted cornflakes.” Frustrated and out of options parents often make the mistake of giving into the demands making a new meal. Ignore It! teaches parents to withdraw attention from any complaining, fussing, arguing and negotiating at the table. I recommend parents always provide one food a child eats and several that are new or undesired. Overtime without the pressure to eat, power struggle and attention for undesirable behavior children decide to eat. They only do the fussing because it works to get attention or a replacement meal. Parents should also make sure to reinforce the behavior they want to see at the table. So when a child tries a new food or has a meal without complaining parents need to make sure to notice and reward it with positive attention. if parents want to bring kids out to restaurants, how can they encourage good behavior without resorting to ipad use? I don’t judge or fault parents for using an iPad or iPhone in a restaurant to entertain young children. I fully understand the need for parents to get out and have a decent meal at times. But I do believe it’s a huge mistake to teach children that mealtimes are screen times. Once children become accustomed to being out of the conversation they may never want to join in. However, when young children are engaged during meals with games and chatter they learn to love that time with their parents, and they learn how to act in a restaurant. Children who have learned to behave can go out to more interesting and impressive establishments which can be a win for both parents and children. Parents should create a dining-out bag filled with games and toys appropriate for a restaurant setting. Some good options are card games, Wikki Stix, travel checkers, markers and paper, little dolls, cars or animals or even a Rubik’s cube. Dr. Catherine Pearlman is the author of Ignore It! and is the founder of The Family Coach, a private practice specializing in helping families resolve everyday problems related to discipline, sleep, and sibling rivalry, among other issues. WomanToWomanMagazine.com 35
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